


words left unspoken

by NoLongerSleepy



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, M/M, Regret, Why Did I Write This?, mukuyuki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:02:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27279934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoLongerSleepy/pseuds/NoLongerSleepy
Summary: if only they said what their heart wanted to say
Relationships: Rurikawa Yuki/Sakisaka Muku
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	words left unspoken

Yuki slumped on the cold floor right after he got home, his breathing ragged, with cold sweat dripping from his forehead. 

He saw him.

He saw him, _again, after all these years._

He was still the same as before, but… the way he looked at him was different now.

His eyes, which were the prettiest light blue orb he had ever seen, no longer sparkles at the sight of Yuki.

He looked up at the ceiling, to try and stop the tears from falling from his eyes. It’s been five years— five _fucking_ years, and here he is, still crying over the mere sight of Muku Sakisaka.

“Wonderboy…” he whispered in the air, drowned out by the sound of moving cars outside his apartment. 

_“How many more years do I need just to be able to get over you?”_

No.

Yuki shook his head and wiped the tears that managed to escape from his eyes.

He can’t start crying once again. He promised to himself that he’s done crying. He’s done with all those days and nights where crying was a natural thing to do.

But then—

He almost screamed when he heard someone knock on the door where his back is leaning on.

Almost stumbling, he immediately stood up and fixed his face and sad expression into that of his normal one, before he opened the door.

  
  
Fuck.

_Fuck._

The very same eyes that he didn’t want to see ever again greeted his now red-stained pair, as if playing a prank with him.

_‘Why is the universe messing with me today? What kind of a sick joke is this?!’_

“Yuki-kun?” Muku called out to him after Yuki just outright stared at him straight, as if he had just seen a ghost. “Aren’t you… going to let me in? Ah, of course not. How presumptuous of me. I’m sorry I even came here. You probably don’t want to—”

“Shut up and come inside,” Yuki cut him off, quickly turning his back away from Muku, to hide how he bit his lip in frustration and embarrassment. 

_‘He didn’t even do anything! He just showed up and you froze right then and there!’_ he scolded himself, almost wanting to slap his cheek to wake him up.

Muku blinked before following after him, staring at his back, the very same leaving figure he stared at back then as Yuki walked away from him.

Yuki, trying to hide himself panicking, quickly ran towards the kitchen after making Muku sit in the living room.

Muku’s eyes wandered around, looking at the spots where their photos together were once decorated. He sighed and lightly shook his head. _‘Of course he removed them already. What am I even looking for? It’s been five years since he left me. Surely, he had moved on in his life... Unlike me.’_

Yuki, after deciding that he’s ready to face the only person he had ever loved in his life, finally exited the kitchen, a tray of tea and snacks in his hand. He sat on the sofa across Muku after settling the tray on the table. 

“So? How’s life? What brings you here?” He asked after remaining quiet for so long.

Muku smiled, and God knew how much Yuki missed seeing that smile, even if it only brought him pain now. “I-I’m okay. How about you?” he replied, then fiddled with his fingers before continuing. “I just… I just came here to… to say goodbye.”

  
Yuki felt like something was up his throat. He had a thousand things running on his mind, and he wanted to ask him so many things. But the only thing he was able to let out was a soft “Huh?”

“Ah, I’m going to move overseas. Our last meeting was… um, you know. I just thought that I’d say goodbye properly,” he explained, his eyes staring at Yuki’s face, which he just couldn’t read the emotion, making him feel so uneasy. _‘Maybe I shouldn’t have come here after all…’_ he thought to himself, while clenching his fist secretly.

The other just blinked, and after a few seconds, smiled at him, which tugged at Muku’s heart. “I see. Thank you for coming, Wo— I mean, Sakisaka.”

_‘Yuki, you should see him off with a smile. Isn’t this what you wanted? For him to pursue his dreams? That’s why… That’s why you should smile. Smile like your heart isn’t getting ripped apart, like it’s okay, like you’re happy he’s finally thinking of himself.’_

Muku smiled back at him, trying to hide the pang of heartache that was tearing him down. “Mm. I… I can’t possibly just leave without saying goodbye.”

_‘Muku, smile back. You already decided, remember? You finally decided that you’ll accept their offer. Five years had been wasted because you kept hesitating, and now, there’s no turning back.’_

“You never change,” Yuki muttered, unconsciously staring at the person with cute pink-hair with the most gentle expression, that Muku almost broke. _‘That was the look he gave me when he told me he loved me for the very first time.’_

Unable to take it anymore, Muku stood up and prepared to leave. “Ah— I-I remembered that I have somewhere else I need to be. Y-You know, I still need to say goodbye to Tenma-san and the others,” he lied, since Yuki was the last one he needed to visit.

“I see. You should go now. Geez, you’re really careless sometimes,” Yuki scolded him and followed after Muku to the door. “Take care of yourself.”

Muku smiled at him for the last time, and replied with “take care of yourself too, Yuki-kun. See you later.”

“See you later,” Yuki told him as Muku turned his back from him and began to walk away.

Yuki gazed at Muku’s back. _‘So I’m the one to be left behind this time…’_

_‘I need to go… but I don't want to go. I just… I just want to be with Yuki-kun…’_ Muku thought to himself, tears already streaming down his face.

Yuki clenched his fist as his shoulders shook from trying to stop himself from crying. _‘I don’t want him to leave. I want to be with him. I want to be with him forever.’_

Silence was the only thing heard between them at that moment, but on their minds were millions of words they wanted to say, _but couldn’t._

_‘Yuki-kun… When I came here, I told myself that if you stopped me, I’d stay. Because I love you. Because I love you more than anything, and I’m willing to abandon everything just for you.’_

Muku took a step forward, his eyesight blurry from all the tears flooding his eyes.

_‘Wonderboy… I told myself that if I ever get the chance, I’d tell you to stay. I’d tell you that I don’t want to lose you, even if that meant that you’d have to abandon your dream. But… I can’t do that. I can’t keep holding on to you, if that results in you not being able to chase the dream you always wanted to achieve.’_

Yuki’s knees slowly grew weak as the tears kept streaming down his face. Once again, he’s going to lose him. Once again, he’s alone, broken.

_‘Yuki-kun… please… please stop me. Please tell me that you love me, and you don't want me to go. Please don’t let me go.’_

Muku’s foot continued to take a step forward, getting further and further away from the arms of the person he wanted to hold forever.

_‘Wonderboy… Muku… Don’t go…’_ he thought to himself.

He can’t do this anymore.

He just wants to be with the person he loves. Why does he need to leave? Why does he need to feel this much pain?

_‘As I thought, I can’t do this. Fuck everything. I want to be with him. I don’t care about anything else.’_

“Muku…” he whispered, and then he suddenly stood up, albeit still feeling weak, he shouted with all his might, “Muku! Don’t leave me! I still— I still—”

And then he froze after realizing.

He wasn’t there anymore. 

It was too late. Muku had already left.

His knees felt like they’re made of jelly as he slumped back to the ground, tears all over his face, and his heart felt like it’s being ripped apart, slowly, painfully, as his lungs felt so heavy he couldn’t breathe.

He clenched his fist so hard his knuckles turned white, as the sound of his sobbing started to escape from his mouth after holding back for so long.

Five years.

Five years of longing. Five years of regret. Five years of suffering.

And yet, here he is.

Still in love with the person named Muku Sakisaka, and for the second time, he couldn’t hold his hand. Once again, he let go of his fingers and pushed him away.

Pretending that he’s okay with everything, like he doesn’t love Muku anymore broke him apart even more. What if he was more honest? Would they still be happy together? Would Muku… still look at him like he’s his treasure?

Of course, he wouldn’t know the answer anymore, even if he thought hard about it. The regret he felt, after realizing that, made him feel so numb all over.

“I’m still in love with you, Wonderboy.” He said in between his sobs. “I’ve never stopped! I’m not okay! I was never okay without you!”

He looked ahead, with a helpless expression on his face.

“During that five years…” he cried, his lips trembling from so much pain he’s feeling at that moment.

_“I’ve been lonely all along— what a joke, right?”_


End file.
